I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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