what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize