Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
