whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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