Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You need Xanax blowdarts
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize