I wish I could teleport
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
