wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
