the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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