I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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