Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
