I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
