wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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