Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
