i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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