What a fucking waste of an outfit
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize