i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
