what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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