Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize