happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
