Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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