I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think my vagina is haunted
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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