drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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