It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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