I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
