I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
