Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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