so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
