Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
