I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
