Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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