So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
