just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
