So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
