I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
