even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
