Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
