Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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