hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
