i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
