i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
