You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
