Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
