Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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