Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
