Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize