what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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