I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
