i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
