Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
