i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
