I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
