They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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