Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
