my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
