There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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