he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
