He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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