he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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