We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
