Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
