yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
