I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
