just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
