help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
