Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
