I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
