I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize