I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
