I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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