pedialite and red bull = repair kit
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
