i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
