4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love you. Go after that dick
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize