we have pet lesbian snakes
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
