Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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