the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
