i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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