he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
