i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
