im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you win again, gameday.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
