the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
