Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
