The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
