The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you had me at cake vodka
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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