he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize