for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
