Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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