I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
