An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
