i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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