She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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