Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
