All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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