I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pants are for mortals
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
