Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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