Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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