just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
