And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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