A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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