i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This house was built for laser tag.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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